3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my phone needs a breathalizer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
