Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
