If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
