seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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