part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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