porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
