I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
