so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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