You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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