batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
