did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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