There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
