I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
