i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
