my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
