If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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