my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
