I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
