Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
