I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
