He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
