don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
