I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
