I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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