I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
