I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I will be naked everywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
