wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize