i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
