I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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