but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
