3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
