Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
