Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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