I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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