so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone signed my nipple.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
