i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
