So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
