I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The best revenge is premature balding
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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