there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
