it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
