Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
