and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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