Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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