You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
