Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Alive.
So much puke
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
