considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
