Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
