K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
