I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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