You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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