how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
