not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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