Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
