Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
