I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
