That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
