You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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