I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
