It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
