he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Quick, to the slutcave!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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