some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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