considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
