You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
